whacked out stories and blogs. It might be strange, but its funny.
 
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You know when I was younger me and my friends would joke around about having sex with animals. Such as yeah I banged that sheep from the bbaaaaccccckkkkkkk. In the end it was just words. You know a couple of kids half toasted joking around, but as I got older I ended up meeting some creepy old guy. He had a large piece of land, some animals, and a twinkle in his eye that said- I would never let this guy babysit my kid. At first he was funny, always joking around, then he started telling me that him and his wife had grown apart and he found new love with his variety of soft furry farm animals. I guess he was right. They can’t say no, can’t call the cops, and you don’t have to sweet talk them, but the idea of sticking my meat inside of livestock just doesn’t do it for me. I remember hearing a story where a guy would get drunk leave the bar go to his neighbors farm and hump his cows(no it is not me). He got arrested after his neighbor set up a camera, because he noticed something wrong with his animals. Now I just don’t get it, I can’t look at some hairy ass with a tail swinging from it and say. “Damn I want that!”. I always thought that I was a little weird, but if you search around long enough. I learned you can always find someone that makes you look normal. Please leave those animals alone people... More then likely they don’t want your d**k. B good, and have a good 1.




 
 
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Whatever happened to midget wrestling ? I remember when I was real young they had little wrestlers, and they were cool. They would fly off the ropes, climb the turnbuckles, all that good s**t. I remember seeing some guy who was suppose to be a leprechaun a little while back. Other then that you don’t see any midget wrestlers anymore. They use to strut up to the ring, crawl over the bottom rope, and kick a "little" ass. I just want to see more sports involving little people. What I really want to see is a midget gymnastics. Think about it... Put that little ass up on those rings, and watch him spin around like a little tornado or some midget pole vaulting. Watch him fling his little ass 30 feet in the air. Just try and picture it. That s**t would be awesome I don’t know why, maybe I’m fascinated with little people. I just find everything to be more entertaining with midgets. Why can’t there be a midget soap opera ? Or an all midget dance show ? You could call it short stepping. I’d even host the b***h if I had the opprotunity. I’m also waiting to see the first midget M.M.A. fighter. I want to see the first guy who taps, due to punches to the knee caps. Or I want to see the other fighter pick him up, and fling him out of the octagon. Whatever happened It would be funny as s**t. I use to think that was no such thing as a little gay, but after realizing that there are probably gay midgets. I take that statement back. Just like the old joke goes. What do you call a gay midget ? Sweet n’ low. Honestly I don’t know why I write these things, but I enjoy them. Hopefully I did not offend anyone that was not my intention. I just enjoy messing around. Swing on by again, please feel free to hit up the like button too. I would appreciate it.




 
 
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I want to know how such pitiful news can make front headlines? I’ll watch the news and hear something like.”A hurricane destroys a whole city. Thousands are dead.” Then they’ll cut over to something like.”Jay Z caught wiping a booger on his jeans more at six.” I mean what the hell ? I don’t care if Paris Hiltons’ dog pooped in a Starbucks or that Justin Bieber ate some rancid potato salad, and now has diarrhea. I can’t believe that stuff that gets front page recognition. Why not just post the trash I write on the homepage of Google or Yahoo ? Another thing I can’t understand is the overly obsessive fans. You know the ones that would carve the name Nick Jonas in their arm, because they think it will bring their souls closer together. I’ve had my fads, there has been people I enjoyed. Like movie stars, actors, and singers. I never got obsessed I never once broke down crying at a concert screaming “I LOVE YOU” as a group of security guards carried me off stage. Or pass out on the floor that hundreds of people put their dirty ass shoes all over. Okay I have passed out on the floor before, but I blame the alcohol. It’s just like if Sandra Bullock falls down, and breaks her ankle. It will be on the first page of every paper, and internet homepage. Yet Jim down the street could get put in a full body cast, his ass won’t even be in the local neighborhood paper. What makes Sandra Bullock more important then Jim ? Has Sandra Bullock ever done anything for you ? Poor Jim has a family to feed, and doesn’t have a 7 figure bank account. I think Jim needs some front page exposure. I’m going to be honest with you I have no idea why I write about the things I do, but I enjoy it. If you have your two cents you want to through in. Feel free to jot it down. Thanks for stopping by, and have a good one. 




 
 
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        Growing up I remember joking a lot about sex, and sexually related issues. Back then it was all fun and games. Now a days though they have s**t out there that will shrivel your d**k up. I’ve been hip to herpes, genital warts, H.I.V., and all kinds of stuff like that. The other day however I heard of something new. My Brother dared me to Google “blue waffle”. Honestly I thought it was going to be some kind of new meal from Denny’s’ or I-Hop. Boy I was wrong. Upon clicking the search I found myself nauseated I learned that all waffles were not good for eating. Apparently a “blue waffle” is nothing more then an infected, overused vagina. It was called the whore monger disease. If it is or isn’t I don’t know. I do know that no matter how hot a girl is, if she’s got a “blue waffle” Daddy aint hungry. It was something that I wouldn’t want anywhere near my meat-stick. It was like a Halloween mask for a vagina. Puss and mumps all over, and it did have a bluish tint to it. I use to like the idea of being a stud. I’m starting to change my mind. It doesn’t matter anymore how someone looks. Lurking in between those legs could be a deadly weapon. The last thing I want to do is disfigure my penis. Having to wake up one morning, walking into the bathroom, and the next thing you know your grabbing a bumpy penis, peeing out crap that looks like vanilla pudding. Nothing says affection like an erection with an infection. Try telling that to your girl. Just like everything else in this world, you are not safe. Got to watch out for guns, drugs, hate crimes, war, and even rotten vagina. What the hell is wrong with this place ? Thanks for stopping by. Remember if anyone asks you if you want a “blue waffle”... JUST SAY NO.



 
 
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 I enjoy messing around and writing these blogs, but I had to take a little time off. Mainly because I needed to find a way to make a few extra dollars, so I decided to turn to the Internet and give it a shot. I learned some of those bastards are ruthless. You have some rich ass munch who doesn’t care if he takes your last dollar. He cares more about buying some penis enlargement pills with your money, rather then seeing you succeed. I never expected to meet the expectations that are on the website, but I didn’t expect me to get completely ram roded either. I can’t stand seeing some of those advertisements anymore. The ones’ like “Hi. I’m Jim Johnson follow me, and I’ll show you how to make $200 – $500 a day without even working. I make more money in the time it takes me to take a shit then most people see in a month.” Now when I see those advertisements all I want to do is put ol’ Jim Johnson in a crushing choke hold, and strangle his ass till his eyes pop out of his head. For some reason I came to the conclusion that alot of people are insensitive ass nuggets….. I’ve also heard about blogging for money. I guess it’s possible if you get enough people, but I’ve had those cheesy ass Google ad sense ads on my blogs for months. I think in four months, I’ve made about $8.00. So in four months I made enough for a pack of cigarettes and a 16 ounce soda. Beats a blank I guess, but alot of people don’t really click them as much as you would think. Eventually I did start making a little cash I got into doing surveys online, and posting links for products. It actually has brought in some well needed cash. It wasn’t as easy as they make it out to be, but I don’t mind putting in a little effort into it. I’m not a lazy sack of bull nuts. Slowly but surely shit has been working out I have learned that is possible, but it's not like collecting a paycheck. Anyway my people. Its’ been cool kicking it with you, and I hope you swing by again. Until then be good, and have a good 1…………..



 
 
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Now don’t get me wrong I know that these are fictional characters, but  I always wondered. If you ended up eating Aquaman would you be considered a cannibal ? Or if you caught a Mermaid, and deep fried its’ ass in a deep fryer would you get in trouble with the law ? And I wonder if they would taste like calamari ? See what I mean? Would you be considered a cannibal, or a seafood lover ? Technically they are not human, but they’re not fish either. They are humish -  A mixture of human and fish. I always felt bad for Aquaman there ain’t no ladies  at the bottom of the ocean.  At least none that are living. So his ass isn’t getting any booty that means he has no place to put his fish stick. To be honest  I question if he even has a penis. If I sit in the bath or shower for a half an hour, my body wrinkles up like a day old prune. After 20 – 30 years of being submerged into water I would guess that your manhood would shrivel up into a useless slab of skin. Unless he finds companionship with a beluga whale, or giant squid.  I would guess he is one of the only people who actually knows the meaning.”Tighter than fish p***y”.  I guess every once in while a woman could go overboard, and get deserted in the middle of the ocean. Then he could summon up the power of his erection, but his sexual experiences are few and far between. Now  Mermaids  I would guess that they could have sex. As long as they are on dry land. So many questions that I will never get to know the answer to. Well anyway. If you have a strange question, or weird topic that you would like an opinionated story written about. Please feel free to hit me up. I like writing about meaningless things. Thanks for stopping by, and have a good 1.



 
 
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What’s up ? Society has slowly falling into a pit of decay. Which in turn has turned this world into an uptight and uncomfortable place. In a world where laughter is needed to survive I’m starting to realize that it is hard to keep smiling sometimes. The thing that confuses me the most about it all is that the things that are mainly destroying the world – war, addiction, child abuse are things that start off as a good thing. Let me explain before you say W.T.F. is this ass talking about. Such as war, we go over somewhere to lend a helping hand, but it always goes out of control. Same with addiction of any kind, it usually starts as a way to have a little fun put some spark into our lives so to say, but when that spark becomes a flame. It becomes a problem that has the potential to destroy the lives of families and friends. I hate child abuse too. A child is brought into the world to bring peace, love, and a family bonding, but the pressures of being a parent are to demanding for some people. Then find a couple who wants a child, and can’t conceive instead of bringing damage upon you, and an innocent baby you could turn it into a win, win situation. So many problems that are so easily fixable, yet it seems to be a never ending saga of destruction. I’m not going to leave this on a bad note. I do believe that times are insane, but everyone has to release the tension one way or another. I make an ass out of myself on a daily basis. I figure that if I can put a smile on atleast one persons face, then I did my job. Hopefully You to can bring a sense a joy to someone today, because in this screwed up World we live in we all need to keep smiling, or else the pressures of this World will drive us insane. Thanx 4 your time, and try and have a good 1.



 
 
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I was starting to get confused a little while ago. Everyone in the neighborhood was getting the wrong mail. Our local post man Skip or Skipper (for what I gathered that’s what the neighbors call him) has been making some mistakes with the mail and the addresses.  I can understand the mistake happening from time to time, but after a while I was starting to get pissed. I remember the last time I saw the mail man. The streets weren’t clear, so I took the mail truck swerving up the road from either him trying to avoid a parked car, or he was just trying to avoid hitting something laying in the road . A couple of days have now passed, and I was standing out front. I look up the street to see the mail man coming. As he drove by  handed me my mail, and said, “Have a nice day.”  The familiar smell of whiskey bounced off my face. A drunken mailman ?  I questioned myself for a second, but as I watched him swig from a coke bottle as he turned off my street. The sour puss look he got on his face said it all. I realized my public mail was in the hands of Skipper the drunken mailman. What do you do ? I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, but I don’t want to keep getting Mr. Fugasakis’ mail either. I don’t want him to get caught either, because picture a drunken, pissed off, enraged postal worker, someone is going down. I’ve heard the term don’t make me go postal on your ass, and after checking out the true terminology of that phrase. Screw that. Them fired postal workers aint nothing to f%@k with. So until my power gets shut off because the mailman delivers my bill to some other house. I guess I’ll just deal with Skipper the drunken postal guy , because I don’t want it to be my fault when the local postal office gets shot up or taken hostage. Have a good 1.



 
 
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There’s nothing better then finally getting to use the bathroom after you’ve been holding that bad boy back for hours. You know the feeling when your body actually hurts, because you’ve been squeezing your ass muscles for so long, and when you finally sit down it shoots out like shotgun. Like a soda that has’ been shaken up for 20 minutes. I remember working on the construction field I always seemed to get stuck on those nasty ass sites. Where the port a potty looked like a group of wild apes had a party inside of it. Crap on the seat, piss on the walls, and the kind of smell that made your nose hair sizzle. I swear I’d rather hold it or take a dump in the woods, if no one was around then even consider plopping a loaf out in the port a potty. I learned fast that a empty drywall bucket was more sanitary then the crap covered spot a pot. I’ll tell you what else disgusts me. Have you went over someones house, and asked to use the bathroom ? Only to find a log the size of a Big Mac floating around in their. I know I should just flush it, and forget it, but for some reason I can’t. It’s just one of those things that makes me nauseated. I swear, one time I saw an old lady pick up a pile of hers’ dog s**t with no gloves on or nothing !!! I almost vomited. Some things I will never be able to understand.  Until next time. B good, and have a good day.



 
 
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 I was watching some show on alien abductions, and it was weird. I always like how they find the drunkest, weirdest, craziest M.F.s’ on the planet to explain how they were abducted. When some dude that looks like he slammed a fifth of whiskey, and probably was hanging out the farm for all the wrong reasons gets on T.V. and gives some wild explaination about his alien encounter. Honestly it makes it hard to believe. I like the ones that say they got probed in their butt by a bunch of little green headed aliens. Me personally. I think they got hammered up on moonshine, and got a little wild on the farm. Then they woke up, their rump was hurting, and they think some alien probed them. Maybe an illegal alien probed them, but not an outerspace alien. Even if their was aliens Wouldn’t they go after more attractive people ?  You can fly down to earth practically probe whoever they want, and fly 100,000 miles into space. Why go after the redneck who’s missing 17 teeth, and smells like a barrel of camels’ pee ? Another question is if it is real,. and you catch the alien that probed you  does he get charged and locked up ? God knows if I probed someone without permission my ass is getting some serious jail time. Even if it did happen to me  I wouldn’t tell anyone. How would you start that conversation ? ” Hey Bill after I left the bar last night some space ship came down, and 3 martians grabbed me, and stuck a glowing rod in my butt.”  Hell I’d have to let that one go. Would it be crazier that it happened, or just that I said it ?  I do believe that their is a possibility that aliens exist, and who knows maybe probing drunk people gets them off. Still Mr. Martian if your out their please don’t probe daddys’ rumpkin. Go get the redneck less teeth means. Well If I have to say it. Then it's not worth saying. Anyway thanks for stopping by, and try to have a good 1.  

 

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unique, entertaining, and off the wall stories and blogs. The freakazoid